What are you good at?

There are many roles that a bridesmaid can play in getting prepped for the wedding. This is a great opportunity for you to test your creativity but also exploit your mad skills.

After being asked to be a bridesmaid there is a settling in period where the bride may take some down time to collect her thoughts and begin internally planning her fairy tale day. This is the time to strike! (kindly of course) Offer to help organize her plans, write out the guests lists, talk through place settings, color combos. This is your time to plant the seeds, remind her of your hidden talent to write in calligraphy, sing, or plan; or hint that 'do it yourself' wedding bouquets are not something you think you would do really well making. 

So here's the challenge. Make a list of your skills and abilities whether they are silly, and seemingly unimportant or crazily obvious because they may come in handy.

Shameless Plug or Brilliant Idea?

Looking for the right accessories for your bridesmaids can sometimes be challenging and although such a topic sentence invites a lengthy discussion on whether shoes should be coordinated and if gold or silver dangle earrings are appropriate with an emerald dress I am going to focus on something else... Head bands. Grace is one of the most creative ladies I know and having planned a bridal shower with her while she was working on her masters I know she is multi-talented. Her latest creation can be found here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheNovelist

and I want to encourage you all to check it out because the possibilities are endless here.

There are a perfect gift for brides to give to bridesmaids to wear at the wedding, to be included as thank you presents for participating in the wedding, matching bachelorette accessories, bridal shower party favors... need I go on? Check them out I promise you will not be disappointed.

The Dress

No not the bride's dress, because let's face it, she already knows what she wants so just get ready to smile and congratulate her. I am talking about the bridesmaid dress. The reason for the movie 27 dresses, the thing that you always laugh about after that fact but curse low under your breathe as the teller swipes your card and you watch yourself paying for the dress. In lieu of shortening it and wearing it again, really?

Please, surprise me... show me one example of this actually happening. Here are some fun ways to get through the issue and dare I say use your dress again?

Here are a few shots of Grace and I in the thick of it with our June 2010 bride 

Yes sometimes it is difficult to accept purchasing a dress that maybe isn't what you would have picked but, do you like the bride? 

You know you could always be honest...no not mean, but come prepared. As in, do some of your own research on styles or specific dresses. Show up at the salon early and peek around, maybe even hide a few... And being a passive aggressive sort myself I know that this can be difficult, trying to explain the horrors of a specific dress the your friend has become convinced is perfect for all body types,  but it is your opportunity to be as involved as you want to be. Ask her where she plans to look for dresses, what sort of styles she likes, or colors. For example: hey have you checked out JCrew they have great quality dresses for the same price range as (fill in the blank).
Let her know that you are not really thrilled with the cut or material in the dress she has shown your pictures of but are more than willing to try it on with a bunch of others.

1. what's your budget look like? if the bride is paying than that's a smaller argument and say thank you

2. what's your color scheme?

3. do you want the bridesmaids to match?  it appears that brides are phasing out of this, recognizing that women don't look the same in the same dress (see all pictures)

No matter what happens it is guaranteed to be a memorial experience.

Bridal Showers Can Be Fun

April 2010 "Literary Themed" Bridal Shower

Perfect for the friend who has any interest in books, romance or education.

The plan: throw a shower that was memorable and anything but ordinary for a good friend 

Guest list: montage of friends, family and co-workers

Location: Small Spanish Restaurant 

The Catch: making the theme accessible to all involved. Oh sure, not a problem for your average Jane but when half of the guests are Puerto Rican and did not grow up with the same cultural references Grace and I needed to think creatively of how to integrate our brides' guests.


What we used to create the environment:

Old hard cover books from second hand stores- the poor cashier man never would have let us out of the store if he had know what we planned

Colored Vases, Branches from the woods outside bride's house, Decorative flowers made from pages in the books

Framed collages of colored pictures in books

White candles with favorite book quotes melted on

How we kept everyone entertained:
We created our own "Create your own Adventure Story" based on the happy couple's destined meeting through their engagement. I read this story out loud to everyone and at specific points we had each table vote on what was the most likely scenario, for example:
Jane and Greg were a bit nervous on their first date but going to 
a) the zoo
b) the movies
c) a skate park
d) the museum
was the perfect way to break the ice since they both love it so much.
Depending on your audience you can be really detailed with the information or keep it general. Just remember to run the 'facts' by the bride :)


Well what do you think?
Please feel free to give feed back or ask questions about the shower!

Always a Bridesmaid, never...

For some people, being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honor. Perhaps you grew up planning weddings together down to every last detail, or maybe you went through college, parties and study abroad moments together and now are taking the logical next friendship step? 

If this is your first experience being on "the other side" take a deep breathe and keep telling yourself it will all be over in (enter number of days +1 until the wedding). You may literally be asked to participate in every last detail, this is what your are signing up for. The recognition that you have allowed yourself to become a friend's personal slave for upwards of two years. But really, no one has ever died from being a bridesmaid... that I know of, so you will probably be fine. We have all survived, and with this guide you will too!

What we hope to teach is not just survival, but a way to really flourish in this strange land of bridal bliss. Similarly to when a friend becomes pregnant, suffers through menopause and a horrible break up, you will see sides of the bride that you may not have thought humanely possible. Stay calm, eventually they will return to normal and will be thankful that you did not give up on them. What are friends for anyways? 

Perhaps you are wondering what makes me so confident? Well I come to you having been involved in four weddings, two more expected this June. But I am not alone, my co-author has made it through her fair share of weddings in a variety of roles. Along with the experience between the two of us, we will enlist the help, opinions and stories of friends and family. A simple reminder that you are not alone and others have probably suffered far worse than you will.

Fear not little bridesmaid, help is on the way!

Welcome

The wedding is all about the bride, of course, and always. But this blog is for you, fellow bridesmaids (and personal attendants, we do not acknowledge anyone as second class citizens here!). Here we supply the practical tips and creative ideas you desperately need, without all the guilt-trips of the bridesmaids sections of your average wedding website. Here you can gather ideas for that wedding shower you were just put in charge of--you know, the one for 40 of your bride's extended relatives you've never met. We'll also provide you tips on managing bridezilla, groomzilla, and every other wedding monster you could meet. And here is a place for you to vent, out of earshot of the bride. We can't guarantee that we will have the etiquette perfect according to blue blood standards, but we can hear you out, and maybe help. Because we've been there-- many many times--using up our Saturdays planning somebody else's wedding and spending our evenings hopelessly googling "COOL, YOUNG bridal shower ideas," begging to get a theme that doesn't transform our bridefriend into a 1950s housewife. So no worries, friend, your wedding website in shining armor has arrived!

Saying Yes ... to the role of Bridesmaid

So maybe this is not your cup of tea. In fact you may have made avoiding weddings your number hobby but now your sister/friend/secret lover/coworker has asked you and despite every bone in your body yelling out "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", you said yes because deep down you have a soul; but please dear God don't make me wear one of those horrible dresses. Well, no guarantee we are going to be able to get you out of the dress but this post is meant to help you ease into the decision and start making assessments on your expectations versus that of the brides'.

I was once telling a friend about being sort of frustrated to have to be involved with this one wedding, "she barely puts any effort into our relationship and now I have to spend my vacation time and money planning for her?" 

Her response to me was two fold, "no one forces you to say yes" Heard me? No one forces you to say yes... but there are consequences and you should be aware of them. My friend told me of a time when she had been invited to be a bridesmaid for a college friend's wedding. Despite her excitement for the college friend she was strapped for cash as she had just spent the last two years participating in half a dozen weddings and she and her husband were trying to save for a house. She explained the circumstances to the bride who was shocked to not receive an immediate "YES!" but said she understood. In reality though, the bride was terribly offended and slowly began to stew on the fact that her friend had 'let her down. Their friendship did not last and neither has bothered to send a Christmas Card in years.  Dramatic music plays in the background. 

Consequences: How much does the friend mean to you? Enough to risk her feeling like you really don't care? Now, I will not say that this road is for everyone. Goodness it was over dramatic enough to put me in my place but that does not mean it needs to be the same for you. Perhaps this is instead the perfect opportunity to express your love for you friend but with boundaries.

Examples: 

               1. I would LOVE to be a bridesmaid but I am seriously strapped for cash. Could we talk through this all so I can understand if my budget will allow for it?

                           a. this is when you bring up things like, do you know what your dress budget looks like? Are we required to get our nails and hair done?

                          b. can I think this over a little it (and ask who else has been asked. This may help you get an idea of how much work you will be responsible for: from holding back hair from toilet bowl at bachelorette party to paying for bridal shower weekend get away)

I hate conflict and I hate letting people down but honest is super important especially if you really do plan to keep this friend for a while. 

              2. That is so sweet of you. I really want to be involved in your wedding but I don't know that bridesmaid is the right role for me at this time.

Ouch, yes the bride may feel hurt but she may also already have back ups in mind and you might be a perfect personal assistant instead.

             3. Thank you so much for asking me. Yes you can count on me to be there for your wedding but I should let you know that this is just before/after/during my busy season at work/school/etc and I will need to let you know up front that my ability to be totally committed to all activities may be limited. 

Any questions? Go ahead, ask away I can take it!